Wednesday, October 25, 2006

on being a mom

I was told yesterday that I'm a great mom. Ok, I think the term "Super Mom" was actually used, but still. It was on the phone, by one of the kidlet's teachers. I started to say something self-deprecating, but stopped myself, accepted the compliment, and moved on. After reading Stephanie's post I was thinking, I'd gladly accept any blame, were the kidlet out doing mischief - legal or illegal, but she's not. She really, genuinely, is a good kid. At 15 1/2 I keep expecting the screaming, horrible, nasty fights like I had with my mom. But they haven't materialized. Don't misunderstand, we fight. But, once the fight is over, it's over. We go back to being mom & daughter, friends, co-conspiritors, confidants. Truth is, I'm more impressed by her than I can possibly say. She, like me, is a larger-than-average person, but she has more self-esteem than I can muster on most days, she is not only happy with who she is, but proud of who she is. I guess I had something to do with that, although I don't know how. I made some conscious decisions, some not-so-conscious ones, but mostly I let her be her, something I didn't have. I raised her by myself - without husband (he bailed early on), family (they all live away, not far away, but away), and mostly without "the village". I carefully chose the people I allowed in her life - those I felt would benefit her, and those I trusted to not do horrible things to her. I've been lucky, I guess - most days I'm just seconds away from freaking out completely about the random violence that could snatch her from me - what parent doesn't? But you can't dwell on that stuff, because if you do, it WILL drive you crazy.
So, this turned out to be more maudlin than I intended, and was harder to write than I thought - I love my kid, and I do all I can to make her the person her dog thinks she is - and, thankfully, she is that person.
OK, now for the knitting - I'm working on gauntlets, two at a time, and it seems to be going pretty well - it's a 2x2 rib pattern, and I haven't totally confused myself to the point of no return yet, so I'm thinking this might work! Washed & blocked the latest pair of gloves - they are quite lovely - all lemony yellow and orangey orange! I'll take pics once they dry completely.
So, for now - that's it!


Sheepish Annie said...

Parenting is the toughest job. If you've done it well you deserve the praise. And it is perfectly OK to accept it! ;)

Bells said...

Whatever you did, you did well because there are plenty of people with teenagers who couldn't possibly say those things about their kids. So well done!!!